Last night I talked about creating as god, instead of with God, and how this leads to fear and conflict.
This idea came up tonight when reading the course.
Chapter 3, section IV. “Error and the Ego”, paragraph 3:
“This is why you cannot escape from fear until you realize that you did not and could not create yourself.”
I realize that I’m not only trying to create and control situations (like how my mom would react to asking for the receipt to the chair), I’m doing the same to myself. It’s like I’m a sculptor trying to manipulate a ball of clay. I believe I can control what it looks like. I just need to try a bit harder, I just need a little more time, I just need to read the right books, have the right experiences, then I’ll be who I want to be – this perfect sculpture. But as long as I’m creating in a state of separation, without the divine’s help, this isn’t possible.
No amount of effort, no circumstance, no person is going to exalt me to that state where I am 100% sure of who I am. That I am a completed statue. Perfect. Something created from the ego can never reach the level of the divine.
Realizing this removes a huge burden from my shoulders. I don’t have to try to create myself. As long as I’m present, connected with the divine, this whole idea vanishes. It just doesn’t make sense anymore. Instead of exerting all this effort trying to create this sense of who I am, I’m now able to create FROM this space. It’s an outward focus instead of inward. Who I am becomes an experience rather than a definition, a trophy case of my accomplishments.