monster movies and ego bags

I saw Pacific Rim tonight, and it was pretty god-awful. Acting was horrible, just horrible. The visuals were okay, but overall just a pretty stale experience. But irregardless of that, it still accomplished what I was hoping it would. Movies are a way to forget about myself for a couple hours. I’m not trapped in my usual thought systems. It’s one of the few times I’m really free. Or… at least not actively engaged in one of my ego illusions.

After I walk out of the theater something interesting happens. I’m in this odd state where I’m totally present. When I get in my car and drive home it’s a totally different experience. I’m so connected with my car in a way that I never usually am.

And eventually, I get to watch my ego systems come back online. I get to watch the ways in which they try to trap me. This usually leads to some pretty significant insights, and tonight was no exception.

I got this very clear picture of my ego. It is a master story weaver. And it’s story is contained within this bag.

small bag
Whenever I look at someone, especially someone who really troubles me, the ego holds that bag up to my face. As I look into it, I can see this story unfolding, and I usually jump right in. Latching onto this story and letting the ego pull me in and wrap me up inside of it. At this point I no longer see the person. The only thing I can see is this story. The ego’s illusions.

Once the ego has trapped me, it does everything in its power to keep me in that story. To feed off me.

The course does a really good job of training you how to disentangle yourself, and back out of this bag. The ego fights with everything it has to prevent this. The last post I made is a perfect illustration. As I started to realize that this bag, this story wasn’t real, the ego attacked me with a different story. One of loneliness. Trying to pull me back inside.

Now that I’ve started to spend more time outside of this bag, I’m getting a taste of a different reality. I think this is what the course refers to as the Holy Spirit. If we were fish, it’s like the water that we swim in. It’s everywhere, underlying everything. We just can’t see it when we’re caught in those bags. And I think people can sense when others are connected with it, but I think we are misguided in our pursuit of it. We see it as being “over there”, like that person has a hold on it. So we flock to gurus, priests, whomever, and ask them to show us. But what we don’t see is that we all have the same access. The water they are swimming in is the same that we are. We just need to pull ourselves out of that bag, and it’s only a matter of time before we naturally realize this ourselves.

This realization puts some of what I read a while ago into a new light. Actually, it’s putting almost everything I’ve read into a new light, so I’ll just highlight a few things.

Chapter 4, section 1 “right teaching and right learning”, paragraph 8, sentence 5

“You are part of reality, which stands unchanged beyond the reach of your ego but within easy reach of spirit. When you are afraid, be still and know that God is real”.

Yup. There is a reality that exists outside of that bag, and the ego can’t touch it. And the way to access it is to be still, see that the story is an illusion, and slowly back out of the bag to embrace what is real… God.

“God is inevitable, and you cannot avoid him any more than he can avoid you.”

This is what I’ve seen. If you dissolve that bag, your reunification with God is inevitable.

“The ego is afraid of the spirit’s joy, because once you have experienced it you will withdraw all protection from the ego, and become totally without investment in fear.”

Yuppppp. Once you’re out of that bag, it becomes a lot less appealing to go back in it. Especially after you’ve tasted the divine.

“Leave it behind! Do not listen to it and do not preserve it. Release yourself and release others.”

When I’m able to look at someone while residing in this holy space, outside of the ego’s bag, there is nothing but pure joy and love. It doesn’t matter who it is. My heart opens for all. And for those that I’ve resented, hated, it’s like I’m seeing them for the first time.

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