A lot of the pieces of the puzzle came together tonight and I got a nice image that encapsulates a lot of what I’ve read in the Course In Miracles up to this point.
So God created us in his image. Since we are literally a part of him, it would reason that we have that same need to create. The same need to explore. So when this idea of separation came about, we naturally dove right in because that’s our nature. It’s just a new playground to create in. What would it be like to be a little god? That was the beginning of this path we are all walking down.
And in order to really experience this, we had to usurp the power of God. We had to separate ourselves. Build our own altars and deem ourselves “god”. We look out from this throne and create our world. Without God’s help. I think this was probably fun and exciting at the beginning, but slowly started to twist in on itself and become decrepit due to the immense burden of that responsibility. Think what it means to take over for God. He knows all, is all, forgives all, loves all. There is no way we could even hope to mimic a fraction of this on our own. But that doesn’t stop us from trying. From believing it’s possible. So we plod onward, the weight of the world slowly, relentlessly, unapologetically grinding us down. And regardless of the toll this takes, we refuse to give up… Refuse to lose…
Until we do. Until we turn around from this path and start walking backwards towards where it all began. Towards those open arms welcoming us back home. It’s like we were all floating down a river, and there was an inlet into a swamp that we all swam down. God is sitting back in the river, patiently waiting us to explore this path and make our way back so we can continue on down the river.
There are many obstacles on the way back though. One of the primary ones is guilt. As we wade through all of the decrepit shit we have created we punish ourselves relentlessly. But I realized tonight, what is really happening here? When we punish ourselves for the things we do? We are still enthroned on that altar, pretending to be God. Thinking what we created is real, and punishing ourselves as we believe we have to. As after all, we are god here, that is our responsibility.
But as we start to really step off that altar, we can see that the idea of punishment is silly. We are all just a bunch of kids in God’s sandbox. We’re just moving around sand. Nothing we create is real. Nothing we create is permanent. It’s like a kid that had built a sand castle and crying when someone pushes it over. God is just sitting on the side of the sandbox smiling. Knowing that nothing we do can cause any real trouble. Ready to clean us off after we’re tired of playing, and gently take us back home for a nap.
I started reading the manual for teachers and am loving it. Much different tone than the text. This lesson really struck me.
Manual for teachers, number 10 “How Is Judgment Relinquished” , paragraph 5:
“Therefore lay judgment down, not with regret but with a sign of gratitude. Now are you free of a burden so great that you could merely stagger and fall down beneath it. And it was all illusion. Nothing more. Now can the teacher of God rise up unburdened, and walk lightly on.”
So after seeing all this I’ve started asking myself “Who’s on the altar?” If I’m in fear it’s still me up there. But I need not be concerned with what’s happening. I’m just playing in that sandbox. This releases that guilt and I can start shifting the altar from me to God. And as soon as I do this, the sense of responsibility completely drops away and I find peace.