exposed

I’ve been talking a lot recently about how we can no longer sustain our old structures. How we’ve kept ourselves in these little boxes, but these constraints are starting to break. What they were holding in is starting to grow. This state of equilibrium that we’ve lived in for so long if starting to tilt, and we’re starting to have to exert a lot more energy to keep things as they were.

But what are we really fighting against? What is it that’s trying to emerge? I realized tonight that it’s happiness. There is this new pure state of being that is happy for no reason. It has no source. It can’t be rationally explained. Justified. It’s just there. It’s who we are.

Everything that we do now is held up in front of this light. A light which used to appear very dim. So dim that I doubted it was there at all. It left me existing in a fog. Unsure of who I was. Of how I should be. Of how I should act. I did my best to create a sense of self in this darkness, but it was never fully alive.

And at first being in this light feels very unsettling. Very vulnerable. But once you realize what’s there… holy shit… It’s the best fucking thing ever. It’s like, really? I can be happy for absolutely no reason? That it’s just overflowing and pouring out of me? That this person that I’ve been trying to manufacture for so long is not really necessary? That I can just let go?

We can instantly tell now what is feeding us, what is part of this light, or what is holding us back, trying to cover up the light. And I think as time goes by, those things we use to cover this light are just going to seem sillier and sillier, and we will either have to exert tremendous effort to sustain them, or be able to effortlessly drop them and embrace the happiness.

Mmmmmmmmmmm… How wonderful it is to not need to hide…

I think it’s about to feel like we’re all walking around naked, and I couldn’t be happier about it 🙂

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