My favorite yoga class is Monday evenings. It’s taught by a super expressive gay guy who loves playing cheesy pop music (couple spice girls tracks last class….), which creates a pretty humorous contrast with yoga which can tend to be overly serious. But what I noticed last class was that I was able to separate myself from the music and really focus in on my experience. The music became something external that was no longer distracting, or really even influencing me. I was kind of in a bubble.
That night when I was meditating the same thing happened with my thoughts. It occurred to me that our thoughts are really non-local. We hear them in our heads, but is this necessarily true? I was at a meditation seminar a couple years ago and the guy running it was asking us where in our bodies we felt like our presence resided. Like if your arm got chopped off, would that affect your presence? Would it be reduced? If you got a heart transplant would that change it? The general consensus was that our presence was somewhere in our chest, but it’s really impossible to pin down.
I think the same thing goes for our thoughts. We’ve become accustomed to “hearing” them in our heads, but I think this is just a learned behavior. I think we can shift them around if we focus on it.
Which is what started naturally happening as I was meditating. It felt like I was sinking down into a well, and my thoughts were staying up on the surface. Like they were above me looking down and trying to talk to me, trying to stretch down their tentacles to hook into me. But as long as they were disconnected like that, they didn’t have near the influence they usually did. It was a very peaceful state.
I just read “The Love Languages” by Gary Chapman which talks about the different ways we give and receive love. Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. We each have a primary one and if we don’t receive love in this form our “love tank” isn’t filled. Like for me it’s physical touch. Everyone in the world could be telling me how awesome I was, but if I don’t have that human contact (even just a light touch) it won’t really fill me up.
One of the things he covers is the way we talk to our spouses. Demanding language, trying to coerce each other into doing things is not an expression of love. All you can do is make requests in a loving way and then step back and see what happens.
I realized that once I separated my thoughts I could personify them, making it much easier to see their attitude towards me.. and it was very demanding. My thoughts weren’t making requests, they wanted what they wanted immediately. There was no consideration for my feeling, I was merely the object to execute their desire. Like a husband coming home and yelling at his wife for not having dinner ready. She’s just there to cook for him. A robot you can have sex with.
I saw that when these thoughts are inside me it leads to a pretty horrible existence. It’s like having that demanding husband INSIDE you. Which tricks you into thinking that YOU are the one actually making the request. We believe we ARE our thoughts. How clever… How hopelessly obedient we are…
But not anymore. I’ve established a sense of self that’s independent of my thoughts. I’ll listen to their input, but I’ll only do what I want. What is best for me. And the key here is to not hate your thoughts. They aren’t villainous.
In that book he told a story of a troubled marriage. The husband was incredibly demanding of his wife and she was on the verge of leaving him. She was trying to get him to counseling, but he refused. He said she was the only one with a problem. So the therapist recommended she treat him as Jesus would. Love him despite how she treated her. She was out of options so decided to take on this challenge. And after a couple weeks, he started changing. He felt that love coming from her and naturally started reciprocating it.
I think I’m going to take the same approach to my thoughts. To just extend gratefulness and love towards them. Last night as I did this I went into a huge expanded state and felt this immense, powerful white light radiating out from me. Without my thoughts there to damper it, it’s like that was my natural state of being. And I think if this is the diet I keep feeding my thoughts, they will eventually turn around and mirror this. I will actually have them as an ally. A friend. A partner.